I’m not sure if I regret, or totally love that I got absolutely drunk as my husband and I went sailing around Mykonos. Hilarious? Yes. Awkward? Yes. I guess in recent years it’s become in vogue to be ‘awkward’ as a woman. Do you understand how maddening it is when a cute, petite, beautiful young woman who is society’s ideas of perfection brands herself as “awkward?” “OOOOH, I’m so awkward – I laughed a little too loud tee hee!”
Get the fuck out of here.
I am awkward in the old school sense of the word. When I share my awkward moments series about my life you will cringe, you will laugh, and you will blush. I promise you, the last thing you’ll be left thinking is, “aww, that was cute.”
My husband and I took our honeymoon in Greece. We love history and grittiness, so we started in Athens which was a joy. We finished in Santorini because of its promise of romantic allure. In the middle of our trip, we visited the island of Mykonos.
We both enjoy drinking, dancing, and beautiful views – so we had to spend some time checking out the vibe of the island.
We booked a trip for a semi private cruise to Delos and around the island. Before we had even began drinking, I was intoxicated with joy from knowing aside from the crew and one Greek woman, we had a rustic sailboat to hit the seas all to our own. It felt luxurious – the type of thing only celebrities get to do.
The company we kept for the day was awesome. The woman was middle aged, blonde, and incredibly gifted in conversation. I like to chat with people, but I often run out of things to talk about. The blonde did not share the same struggle as me and was able to always ask questions and tell stories to bring us closer with her.
Dilly Dallying in Delos
I love ancient civilizations. In particular, I obsess over any kind of mythology or mystical elements of ancient cultures. Therefore, there was no ways that I was going to miss the chance to spend a few hours in Delos! It is said to be the birthplace of the god, Apollo. Delos was an incredibly important seaport and religious center for ancient Greece. While most of the statues lay in ruin, you can still marvel at the pieces that are in tact such as the Lions of Delos. Or, if you’re anything like me, you can check out the ruinous pieces from every angle and imagine what might have been.
Wine Not?! ( Apparently, There Are Lots of Reasons “Wine Not” )
After walking through history in the sweltering sun, we were brought back to our ship and the party started. “Can I get you some wine?” asked the ridiculously good looking attendant on board.
I had some rose, and my husband had white. The glasses were pretty small, and that, my dear friends, is where the real trouble begins.
We’ve all been there. “Hmm, this glass is pretty small. I better have 40 more to equal one drink!”
In the sun, on this ship, with nothing to eat beforehand I pounded wine after wine and stretched out on the sun bed like a princess. “More wine!” I found myself requesting, before the last glass was even finished. Why? I wouldn’t want to give my body 30 seconds to sober up while I waited for the next glass. That might have unleashed a stream of good and thoughtful decision making. Who needs that on an experience like this?
I remember most moments of my travels fondly. However, there are some memories of my travels that looking back even I can’t believe were real. These memories are an affirmation on even my most dark and frustrating days that hard work pays off, and that through my hard work, I lead an exceptionally beautiful life.
A Moment to Remember
Our captain docked our boat in the middle of the beautiful blue water. It was the color blue that usually only exists within the realm of computer backgrounds and destination monthly calendars. He was elderly, a bit hardened, and had definitely seen some wild things in his life, but never stopped smiling. His skin was red and leathery from the sun constantly beaming on him, and he had long shaggy hair. He lit up a cigarette, sipped on some ouzo, and told us to dive in and swim around. Little moments like this are why I came to love Greece. The nonchalance of the captain of a ship sipping booze and smoking cigarettes while letting his patrons jump off his boat would never happen in the US.
My husband was really enthusiastic and was practically falling of the side of the boat before we even docked. He’s a dare devil and enjoys cliff jumping in his free time.
I was a bit more reserved, but my large thighs and I held my nose and took the plunge. It. Was. Awesome.
The attendant, the captain, the Greek woman, ALL of us – a makeshift family took turns jumping into the sea and splashing around. At times we would laugh and talk – other times we were all perfectly silent and peacefully taking in our surroundings. As I kicked around in the water, I felt so happy, happier than I ever remember being in my adult life. Laying in the sea and floating on my back was the first time in years I had been able to just…be without thinking, worrying, planning, prepping, and working.
Then, the turn for the worst, folks. The slippery slope. The good looking attendant offered to “shuttle us” to the legendary Tropicana Paradise Beach Club in Mykonos. I was pretty lit, but in that “cry because I’m so happy” stage of being lit.
Way Over the Borderline – Madonna
The place was cool enough with tons of umbrellas and beach chairs set up and some kind of transcendental beat vibing through the air. The place is adorned with wooden, breezy, Bohemian seaside decor and offers a stunning view of the water. However, it’s a douche haven. The kind of place where you roll up and know you’re going to have to take out a loan to pay for even one drink.
Well, I’m surprised that I’m not in complete debt because folks, I had THREE drinks, and possibly a shot – I think I remember that. I didn’t intend to get to the point where my vision was blurred and my body was swaying. But, I was on vacation and the drinks were SO damn tasty. I wanted to bring a drink back to the boat for our Greek friend. However, the bartender – despite having five fellow bartenders did that thing where she pretended we didn’t exist even though we were their only patrons. I AM grateful that the booze gave me the courage to say the following.
“I see you’re purposely ignoring me to maintain an appearance of being a ‘hip hang out’ you just lost a shit ton of money because now I’m not ordering anything else form you.’ She tried REAL hard to recover from her bullshit, but I was drunk…and petty…and so I stormed away after paying for my bill.
Ohhh, I could feel it. My eyes zooming around like flying saucers in my head as we were transported back. My speech was slurring and my head buzzing – there was nowhere to go but down.
This Summer’s Fashion Trend – Noodle Hair
My husband, the Greek woman, and myself sat around a small table while the attendant served us a delicious plate of homemade pasta with shrimp. After barely eating, it looked delicious and I couldn’t wait to dive in.
I rocked back and forth on my folding chair enjoying the sun and twirling my pasta around my fork. “I wouldn’t do that” suggested my husband as the Greek woman spoke to us about…something, I don’t remember.
Then, I remember falling backwards in slow motion.
My feet kicked the table and all of the food on it.
My butt got stuck deep down in the collapsable chair and it folded me into a sandwich.
The pasta went all over me including my hair and face – I was wearing every bit of it.
I remember peeling shrimp out of my hair and hot tears in my eyes from the shock of falling. The captain, the attendant, EVERYONE ran to me to get me out of the chair.
The most embarrassing part wasn’t the fall itself, but the totally over the top reaction from everyone.
My husband shaking his head because I was wasted and laying in a pile of shrimp and spaghetti with noodles in my hair.
The Greek woman standing with her hand over her mouth as if I just shattered every relic in St Peter’s Basilica.
The good looking attendant acting like pulling me to my feet required as much humanly strength as pulling a whale out of the ocean and into the boat.
The captain cursing in Greek and saying over and over that all of the chairs should have been nailed to the boat – he truly felt so bad which made me feel absolutely terrible.
“Do you want more pasta? I can make more!” asked the attendant. Do I want more pasta? You just broke your back trying to lift me, do you think I need more pasta? No, but if you could drown me off the side of the ship and kill me, I’d be much obliged I felt like saying.
I walked to the front of the ship and lay down on the sunbed. I wondered to myself why I was the way that I was and which of the 4,500 drinks that I had did me in. “Will you have a shot of this and dance with me, Stephanie?” asked the Greek woman politely.
I took it to numb the pain and the scratches on my body – it was a shot of Mastic. If you’ve never had it it is super sweet and reminds me almost of drinking jellybeans, or sweet bubblegum. It’s absolutely one of the most delicious things I’ve ever tasted. I stood up to dance, but fell over several times. Turns out being butt-wasted while cruising at high speed on the seas makes for a bad mix.
I swore after that shot and epic fall that I would be done drinking for the rest of the trip.
Upon arriving back, I fell asleep by the pool – then my husband moved me to our room. Hours later – this is not joke, I was awakened by a cat falling through out fireplace, running through our room, and jumping off the balcony to the patio down below.
We ate ate the fanciest beach front restaurant in all of Mykonos. It was totally private and we were only steps from the water. My sobriety challenge lasted exactly four hours. Rather than sulk and suffer from my day hangover, I laughed off my experience, chalked it up to having a fun time on my honeymoon in the sun. I think that on such a special occasion, it’s OK to be drunk and sailing around Mykonos!
Feeling rested from my nap, I tried blue wine for the first time. I wanted to try it desperately a few weeks earlier in Romania – but the bar we visited was sold out. At the chance of finally trying blue wine, I was thrilled because what better place to try blue wine than in front of the bluest waters imaginable? I loved every sip of it. This time…only one glass!